Please dont get your hopes up

despazito:

Actually your society is the freaks for shooting everything that moves and burning half your “nature reserves” every year so that upperclass dandies can eat leaded pheasant. North Americans are the well adjusted ones here, your country has become a desolate suburban lawn in island form

(via doverjazzghost)

taretaglia:

you better shut the fuck up before I open a nature valley bar on your bed.

(via doverjazzghost)

toskarin:

toskarin:

someone tells me they’re an empath and I grab both sides of their head before frying their brain with my dark empathy electromagnetic waves

sensing?

(via doverjazzghost)

vixivulpixel:

We find it extremely funny how apparently the way Transformers writers solved the weird discrepancy between how many male and female Cybertronians there are was to just go. “Hey, they’re an asexual species anyways. What if they’re all born with masc-leaning presentation, but once they came in contact with aliens that have sexual dimorphism, some of them were like ‘Yoooooo girl is an option?????’ and started going by she.” So every femformer is canonically a trans girl now.

(via doverjazzghost)

jeeyonshim:

Guess who taught himself how to open the rice cooker and woke me up by screaming in between mouthfuls of hot rice

(via kicksagain)

vgmdb:

“connect your contacts so you can find people you know in our app” what if i flayed myself in front of you

(via kicksagain)

scumbag-fuck:

billspreston-esq:

billspreston-esq:

an incomplete collection of tweets i consider to be short poems

i have some too

(via kicksagain)

officialfist:

This fit goes hard

(via doverjazzghost)

garaks-padded-bra:

forgot my night time garlic bread in the oven for the length of 2 mythbusters wpisodes and when i opened the oven door it was so thoroughly cremated that i was blinded not by smoke and ash but what surely must have been its Soul as well

(via doverjazzghost)